WAS IT YOUR TIME TO GO MUM?

Sunday 28 October 2012  time 12pm
I arrived at mums I knew straight away something was wrong as the house was dark and the door locked.
I used the key safe key to get in,  the curtains were drawn and mum was not downstairs her chair lift was at the top of the stairs, my immediately  thought was she was dead
I then heard a strange rasping sound from upstairs I rushed with my husband up the stairs to find my mum on the bedroom floor next to the bed
by her was some forehead headache relief
I touched mum she was cold her limbs were jerking her breathing was a bit  bubbley but no more noisy than when she is asleep.
I bent and called her  and no response. I covered mum with her duvet and tilted her head a little.
I called 999 they asked if I had a defiblrator, which of course i didn’t.
then  asked me to count mums breaths which were even and she breathed every 3 seconds. They asked if i could move mum into a recovery position I couldn’t as she is a fairly large woman at 16 stone 4lb. I told them she is unresponsive, please send some one quick.
A paramedic called Ally arrived on her own 8 minutes  from the start of my call I was so relieved to see her.
she rushed back to the ambulance to get oxygen and put through a 1.2.3. blue light emergency call for a 4 crew ambulance, she told us she felt mum had had a stroke mum still remain totally unaware with her eyes closed and unresponsive, her oxygen and heart rate was good almost normal levels.
Ally tried to insert a small mouth piece to make sure mums airways stayed clear but mum spat it across the room, It was odd  seeing this but as Ally tried again Mum spat the tube out.
Ally tried to take mums blood pressure mum fought against it pushing her arm away but was still not responsive in any other way.
Ally said she couldn’t get an accurate reading.
Ally took mums sugar levels they were fairly high at 14mml but not dangerously high.
Ally called again on the radio for a 1.2.3. blue light team. the reply from control was sorry I didn’t think you still needed it and i have cancelled it and sent it some where else. I will send a private ambulance. Ally said NO as they aren’t equipped for this type of patient.
The oxygen Ally put mum on rang out so she fetched some more from the ambulance she came in.
Then the battery on the monitor went, but the  spare battery was the wrong type
2 hours later after lots of radio contact the Ambulance arrived but it was not equipped with the correct equipment to move mum that was on another ambulance in Basildon.

The crew then decided to try the fire brigade for help in lifting and moving mum on the equipment they had. I was told the fire brigade refused to come out unless its a matter of life or death! my mum was unconscious of course it was a matter of life and death.

The crew then asked my husband if he had any ropes in his car so they could tie my mum to a body board!
In the end they used loading straps the type you use on lorries to secure mum to the board.
due to the fact she has a chair lift the exit down the stairs was heart breaking to watch. they had to heave the body board into an upright position where her head flopped forward and the rights side of her  head smacked into the upright support of the stairs as no one secured or protected mums head it just flopped about with a fair amount of force. Her right arm flopped out and got trapped against the banisters while they then tried to lay her back down to get down the stairs
on the way down her leg got trapped on the runner for the stair lifted at the bottom of the stairs they stood the board up again and the right hand side of  mums head whacked against the door frame and they trapped her  left foot under the board. On the way to the front door mums right arm got trapped between the door frame .
they actually dropped mum on to the stretcher

I don’t know then what happened she was in the ambulance sometime before it set off. She arrived at Broomfield at just after 16:00
we arrived at Broom field and was taken straight to a waiting area near resuss. we weren’t given any card to get in and out of the unit and every time we left we had to wait for the receptionist to open 2 doors for us each time.

after an hour a doctor came to see us to say they had placed mum on a ventilator I asked why as she was breathing he said its routine. then told us they were going to do a chest xray and a CT scan.

The CT scan showed mum had a massive bleed somewhere on the right side of her brain they didn’t know where but Warfarin meant she was bleeding twice as much as normal. basically told us to call a Chaplin as they were going to remove the tubes as the damage would be  un repairable  .

we asked for the Chaplin whom had to come from Southend . He came was very polite and all the family gathered round as mum was blessed and given her last rites.

They decided then to move mum to a medically assessment unit. Here they told us it wouldn’t be long.
They removed all  breathing tubes, fluids cannula and mum was just left with an oxygen mask which they removed when they came into tell us it was a matter of time.

At 12am mum was still breathing her colours was good and it was then decided to move her to a side room in the stroke ward E125.

MONDAY October 29th

While all my brothers and sons went home I stayed with Mum she was placed in a small side room alone she was still breathing but by now it was very noisy, she had blood coming from one nostril which still had a pipe up it.
I asked the nurse why the had taken the cannula out of mums arm when its so hard to get a vein on her . She told me  its because the doctors had decided to remove them as they felt the best care was just palliative care as mum was not going to recover.
This meant my mum would not receive fluids, or blood pressure drugs or a blood clotting drug .
I then got told if she was alive in 24 hrs they would resume treatment I left her at 3am..
Of course sleep didn’t come it was whirring through my mind, how the hell can you chat to someone Saturday and they sound Jolly and happy and make arrangements for Wednesday and for Sunday for me to clear her glass collection from the kitchen and to wind her clocks back on hour and the next day they are on the floor.
I called the hospital at 8am Mum condition hadn’t changed at all.
Her sister went to see mum in the morning, the Doctors came round and my Aunty said can you clean up  my sister face please as blood was running from her mouth.
The doctor told my Aunt the bleeding was were they had injured mum because she fought the ventilator pipe going down and they had damaged her wind-pipe and pallet.
They told my aunty mum had a massive bleed to her right hand side of her brain.
The ward called me and asked me to be in the ward for 15:30 to speak to the consultant.

I arrived on the ward at 14:30 went into see my mum her breathing was noisy now but she still just lay there I had collect her angel bear and cabbage patch baby she slept with and placed them on the bed with her.
I notice then the bleeding from her mouth and the fact I couldn’t see her top teeth even though her mouth was open, mum was also very cold as the blankets had been removed and she only had a sheet and the heater in her room was stone cold as the thermostat had been turned off.
I turned the heater back on and  used a blanket on a chair to cover mum she soon warmed up and her  skin tone was a normal peachy colour no blue tinge.
The doctor never turned up she had gone home a Greek JNR Doctor came in I couldn’t really understand 100% what she was saying and had to keep saying excuse me can you repeat that please.
She told us mums pallet ,wind pipe and tongue had been damaged because she fought the ventilator in resus, so they had to force the pipe down..
Again I asked but why was she ventilated when she was breathing? I got told its routine.
I asked her how mums SATS were she said we arent doing any obs (no observations)
I asked why , she said your Mother is not really there  she is breathing because it’s a natural reflex action, we are giving her no medical treatment she wont recover, we have  decided to withdraw fluids and any medical intervention and we will not resuscitate. She only has a 20% chance of recovery. So we have decided not to intervene.
EXCUSE me they had decided not me nor my brothers THEY had decided
The Doctor wouldn’t answer any of my question, When I asked to see mums CT scan she told me it was with her notes that had been sent to Queens, I asked to see her SATS and response measures from A&E again I was told it had been sent for  valuation of an operation to Queens.
Obviously I left upset and angry that someone else had decided what was best for my Mother.

21:10 My husband I went into see mum, she seemed a lot warmer, I gave her a kiss on the forehead and said “Hi Mum its me Andy” my husband said OMG she moved her leg when you spoke to her, I told him  not to be silly he urged me to talk to her again, I said “ Mum can you hear me “ she moved her leg again.
I ran and told the nurse she then went into some long winded explanation that it was where the nerves were cutting off from the bleed like when you cut the wires of a telephone. It was not a sign of any response.
I asked mum to move both legs I said “mum show her she is wrong move both your legs together” my mum did, I said “mum move your right leg 2 times and your left 1 time” she did..
I tried then to dab mums mouth with some water she moved her head away, I tried again and she not only moved her head away but kicked out with both legs.   I then noticed they had been aspirating her to clear the blood from her mouth she must have been so frightened so I gentle said “ Mum its me Andy, I,m just  going to give you a drop of water I,m not going to hurt you its not a pipe”, she remained calm while I managed to give her some water.
I was just rubbing some cream into mums shoulder at 23:30 when a nurse came in. She asked what I was doing and I told her mum hated having dry skin so I was just rubbing her shoulder with some cream. She said she had to give mum an injection. I asked what for, she replied it will help her with her breathing and stop her getting agitated. I said she is in a coma how can she get agitated? The nurse just said the Doctor had said Mum needed the jab to help with her breathing?!
I waited for her to do the jab which was  in mums tummy, the nurse was kind and spoke to mum all the time which may have been for my benefit.
I then  tucked mums arms in the bed shut the lights off covered her up gave  mum a hug and a kiss and told her I loved her and sleep tight.

TUESDAY 30 October.
Called the hospital at 08:30am There had been no change in mum she was stable. Could we come in at 16:00 to see the consultant.
We all went to the ward at 14:10 we had taken Tilly with us as she had been asking and asking to see mum. I did think maybe it was not a good idea and explained many times to Tilly that nanny was very ill and couldn’t wake up, yet Tilly still wanted to come.
We had decided we would allow her and then hubby would take her out and go to the shops or pop into Chelmsford while I saw the consultant.
When we arrived at mums room her colour was wonderful infact the best I have seen her, how ever she felt a little warm, her breathing seemed quieter and it was more even.
Tilly was a little shocked to see her nanny just laying there, but soon started chatting to her asking her to wake up sleepy head.
Chris took Tilly from the room and the JNR Doctor from Greece arrived , explaining the Consultant was ill .
She then told us we had to ask the nursing team to hand mum over to the palliative care team as a Doctor she could not ask we had to as the relatives. I asked her why she said there is no hope for your mum all treatment has been withdrawn.
I said but look at her , her colour is lovely what are her SATS, the DR said I told you we are not doing any obs. I said mum feels really warm, the DR said she no doubt has a temperature from an infection but like I said we are not doing Obs or treating her, she then left the room.
I went with my brother to get coffee. While I was in the cue he decided to go back to see mum.
He returned a few minutes later saying he had to wait to get in as a team of about 5 nurses were in with mum . They told him that they knew she had visitors coming  so were trying to make her more comfy?

We had coffee then went back to say bye to mum, she still felt very warm her colour was lovely, Tilly gave her a kiss and said “ good night don’t let the bed bugs bite, I love you poppet”
I gave mum a hug and a kiss and told her “I would be back later in the evening and would read her the last chapter of the book she hadn’t finished but I wouldn’t be staying to late” I told her I loved her right up to the moon and back.
My brother kissed her and told her he loved her and we left the hospital at 16:28
we drove to Tesco,s at Notley were we got more coffee at 17:10 my mobile phone rang while I was in the coffee shop it was the nurse from E125, she said hello” Mrs Abbott I am very sorry we checked your Mother about 10 minutes ago and she had slipped away” I cant remember what I said just the pain the tears the screaming no and thrusting the phone at my hubby and running out the store…. How could my dear mum have gone we had made plans for that week, we had plans for Christmas, we had a booked a  3 day break at Potters , how could she have just gone, the one person who loved me unconditionally, the one person I could turn to no matter what, the one person who cared for me, just then like now I felt so very very alone..
I rushed back to the hospital mum was still warm I kissed her, my beautiful mum, yes we  fought, we argued, we sulked, we ignored each other, but we hugged, we laughed, we cried, we did  stuff together, and here she was gone forever out of my life out of this world. And all around me the people went on as normal,
I maybe very very wrong but right now and with all that has gone on  I feel the NHS killed my mother.

Jubilee day 2012

Hotel Du Vin with the Grandson she loved so much

Perfect day

Grandsons Graduation day July 2012

Rest in peace sweet Mother

Rest in peace sweet Mother

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